Originally published on LaxSpot.com on 3/15/08
Everyone knows Samuel Powers. aka “Screech”, aka “The Screechmeister”, aka “The Screechster” but few knew about his glory on the field as a decoy playing the role of a 4th clearing middie. Punk was at the Bayside Hall of Fame recently and found the information to be startling and it all turns out to be quite tragic.
It turns out that before the gang all suddenly moved one summer to their sunny destination in California with a strikingly similar school, they attended middle school in Indiana at John F. Kennedy JR High School which had a co-ed club lax team coached by Miss Bliss who came across the sport from one of her deadbeat boyfriends. As a coach, she wanted to give everyone on the team a fair shake. So to get the Screechster on the field she revolutionized the game as we know it and came up with the clearing middie position.
Screech’s playing time caused a lot of problems at JFK. Mikey quit the team because he got into a heated battle with Miss Bliss because he had to sit for Screech while Lisa and Nikki got to stay on the field. Zack didn’t seem to mind as long as Milo padded his ground ball stats.
When the gang moved to Cali, they tried to get a club team going to play the game they love. But Max, the owner of the best burger joint and hangout in town spent all the sponsorship money he had set aside on new magic items such as a top hat and a squirting flower. The boys and girls were crestfallen. With new transfer hunk and star athlete Albert Clifford Slater, they surely had a chance to beat Valley, but now we’ll never now.
Not having lacrosse in their lives turned out to lead many in the group and at Bayside to make bad decisions. Jessie turned to speed pills to cope because there’s never enough time and began dancing. Zack went on to drink and drive and crash Lisa Turtle’s moms Mercedes. Mr. Belding disowned his brother after bailing on a team trip to go rafting. Some of the girls that were going to play on the team turned to cheerleading and began rapping their cheers….”bebbebebbeeb go Bayside”. And finally and most tragic, the All-American girl next store Kelly Kapowski changed her name to Valerie Malone and became easily the most promiscuous girl in the 90210 zip code.