Originally published on LaxSpot.com on 12/20/08
Punk’s buddy (who isn’t as hardcore as Punk) wanted to post a blog but he was worried about what the ladies would think. I thought it was worthy of posting, a funny play on us laxers and it is geared for the holidays. Thanks Alex…I mean ‘bro’!
It’s that wonderful time of year where we all reflect on how dubious we’ve been this past year and try to figure out ways to fix ourselves. Some of us are perfect as we are, but in the lacrosse players mind, we always have something to fix.
10. Find a team with the most ridiculous team shorts and join the team just to get a pair. Also make sure the team has an awesome name like “The Butt Probes” or “Just the Tip”.
9. Make sure my tan line is rockin by may so I can make sure all the ladies know I am on a lax team and maybe they will give me the time of day.
8. See number 9 and make sure the ladies get a ticket to the gun show. With this kind of tan, my guns look bigger than ever!
7. Make sure i get some floral print summer gear. chick’s dig it.
6. Make sure I say bro more than 10 times per day. They might revoke my lax card if I don’t keep up with this one.
5. Buy some pro gear and then wear it on the field so dudes think I’m the man. (and then let them realize I suck when I play).
4. Get my plaid bermuda shorts to relax in. People will know I’m a laxer then.
3. See number 4 and add some brown flip flops that have frayed edges so it looks like I’ve been wearing them for 3 years already. I started this flip flop fad!.
2. Get some elephant sized sun glasses that hide my entire face. The ladies won’t know i’m ass ugly if they can’t see my face.
1. Start growing out the do in january so the locks o’ lovin’ are flowing out the back of the helmet. add a curling iron to the back so it looks sexay! (if you aren’t into the locks, then make sure that hair gel is in full stock so you can spike it to the ceiling bro!)
With these new resolutions, the ladies will be flowing your way and all your goals will be pinging corners. Here’s to a better laxer in you for 2009.
Happy Holidays everyone!